Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
