I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I faked an abortion last night.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
