I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
