yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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