I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
