im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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