speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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