You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
