I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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