All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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