bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
