The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
