we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
