his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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