Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
