i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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