epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
