if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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