I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
