and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
