absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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