Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
