you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
