I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
