Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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