The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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