Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i need to put some appletini on your dick
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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