I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
