im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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