a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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