your thong is hanging out like whoa
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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