And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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