Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
operation have a gay friend backfired
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My dick has a subreddit
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
