I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
