i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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