i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
