take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
