My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
