Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
