why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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