He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
