I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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