pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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