Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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