You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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