i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
