Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
