she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
