New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
