No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
