Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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