im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I would ride that face into the sunset
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