After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
