Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You took a bar mat shot.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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