i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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