Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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