Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
