Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
