just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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