Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
