I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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