I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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