the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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