God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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