So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
