after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
