Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
