I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
