I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
