so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
