The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
